A couple days ago, I found myself extremely frustrated, confused and disappointed. What I thought was all taken care of in the past suddenly came rushing to the surface again, and knocked me over in the process. My heart was a little off kilter to say the least. I found out the hard way what happens when I put my heart into the hands of someone that it wasn't made for, and it hurt for a while. I became tired of giving little pieces of it away, only for them to return to me broken. My heart was tired of running in circles. But the thing that stung me the worst was the recurring thought that God did not deserve to be loved with a tired and shattered heart. He deserved so much more than what I was giving Him. I remember crying out to Him, only to hear Him whisper "I came to rescue ALL of your heart, even the broken and tired pieces.
So when I read it, this verse made much more sense to me:
"I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." Song of Solomon 8:4
Like it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time and a place for everything under heaven. This is one of those "sit on your hands and let God do what He needs to" verses. Love must not be rushed, no matter how fast we want it to get here. This verse is mentioned around three times in the same book, I think God is trying to tell us something. His plan for our lives is so intricately designed that when we take a step back and look at everything through His eyes, we cannot help but notice how He cares much more for our future than we do. Love will come into your life when God is ready to put it there.
Love for another person is essentially created to be a beautiful thing. But, that love at the wrong place and the wrong time can be painful. It is when we fall more in love with things other than God that we get hurt. We forget that the safest place for our heart is inside the Creator's hands. When we awaken love in our timing, we unknowingly hurt ourselves, breaking little pieces of our heart. They were not designed to work that way. Love wasn't designed to break us down. When we let God swoon us (He is the creator of romance after all :] ), we begin to see what true love looks like. We see how treasured we are, how He pursues us with an unmatchable passion. We discover that God deserves nothing less than everything we are. When we "sit on our hands" and let him awaken love like He originally planned, it will take us by complete surprise.
<3k
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Don't Worry
Lately much of the anxiety that I have comes from all the "huge" decisions that are looming above my head....that is until God took me on a stroll through the book of Joshua today. I love how He continues to surprise me with things I've skimmed over a million times. This is the story of Rahab the prostitute. She lived within the city of Jericho, and when two spies were sent over the walls to scope out the city, she hid them on her roof after they promised her that they would spare her family when they attacked Jericho. One little slip up in this deal and an entire history would have to be re written.
Rahab, being a prostitute, was the outcast of her people. she was a the end of her rope, the bottom of the totem pole. When the two men told her what and why they were coming, she remembered what she had been told about the God of the Israelites. Rahab knew that He parted the Red Sea and delivered them from Egypt, and this is what she said, "And as soon as we heard these things, our hearts melted: neither did there remain any courage in anyone because of you, for the Lord your God, He is God over heaven above and earth beneath."(Joshua 2:11)
The most eye catching part of this story is that the Israelites were the ones caught up in the middle of God moving and working right in front of them, and Rahab only heard about it. God knew His next move. He saw the masterpiece before the brush was ever dipped in paint. Despite the generation of freed captives that had refused to obey Him, God began to prepare the heart of a city that would soon belong to His people.
For some reason, I think Rahab sensed that she was a part of something much bigger than her torrid circumstances, than her sin. If God could do all these thinfgs for the people He cared about so much, maybe He could help her out too. Rahab looked at God and at her circumstances, and knew that without Him, she would surely die. Rahab played an essential part in God's plan for His kingdom. If she looked upon her pain with an "I can fix it myself" attitude, instead of relaizing that the mess she was in could only be cleaned up by a God who worked miracles she only heard about, the entire history of God's people would be completely different. Rahab also became part of the lineage of Jesus Christ.
Way too many times we get caught up by circumstances and scary decisions and forget that our God is not a God of circumstance. He is a God with a meticulous and carefully crafted plan for His people. We forget the part we play in in the masterpiece that God paints. His hand is much better with the brush than our own. He knows what He's doing.
So remember this when you can't sleep at night, when you don't know which way is up, and you're scared of what lies ahead:
1. God cared way more about your future than you ever could.
2. You won't get anywhere without God leading you there.
3. No matter what tomorrow holds, the hand that holds it won't let you go.
<3k
Rahab, being a prostitute, was the outcast of her people. she was a the end of her rope, the bottom of the totem pole. When the two men told her what and why they were coming, she remembered what she had been told about the God of the Israelites. Rahab knew that He parted the Red Sea and delivered them from Egypt, and this is what she said, "And as soon as we heard these things, our hearts melted: neither did there remain any courage in anyone because of you, for the Lord your God, He is God over heaven above and earth beneath."(Joshua 2:11)
The most eye catching part of this story is that the Israelites were the ones caught up in the middle of God moving and working right in front of them, and Rahab only heard about it. God knew His next move. He saw the masterpiece before the brush was ever dipped in paint. Despite the generation of freed captives that had refused to obey Him, God began to prepare the heart of a city that would soon belong to His people.
For some reason, I think Rahab sensed that she was a part of something much bigger than her torrid circumstances, than her sin. If God could do all these thinfgs for the people He cared about so much, maybe He could help her out too. Rahab looked at God and at her circumstances, and knew that without Him, she would surely die. Rahab played an essential part in God's plan for His kingdom. If she looked upon her pain with an "I can fix it myself" attitude, instead of relaizing that the mess she was in could only be cleaned up by a God who worked miracles she only heard about, the entire history of God's people would be completely different. Rahab also became part of the lineage of Jesus Christ.
Way too many times we get caught up by circumstances and scary decisions and forget that our God is not a God of circumstance. He is a God with a meticulous and carefully crafted plan for His people. We forget the part we play in in the masterpiece that God paints. His hand is much better with the brush than our own. He knows what He's doing.
So remember this when you can't sleep at night, when you don't know which way is up, and you're scared of what lies ahead:
1. God cared way more about your future than you ever could.
2. You won't get anywhere without God leading you there.
3. No matter what tomorrow holds, the hand that holds it won't let you go.
<3k
Friday, May 28, 2010
rain
I have no clue how I should start this. It has been far too long since I've been able to sit down and type something out on my blog. If it were a journal, I would have to yank it out from the depths beneath my bed and swipe off the inch thick layer of dust. But, now that the creative juices are flowing (sort of), I think I should start with this:
Just before it rains, all the colors in my neighborhood become extremely vibrant. I noticed this one day when I went out running. This was no ordinary run, mind you. I was driving home from school with a ton of other things on my mind. Things that if I had listened to God in the first place, wouldn't have bothered me so much. It was one of those weeks where it seemed like everything I thought I was doing right turned it's back and came crashing down on me. In other words, I mistakenly took something God gave me to do and went way too far with it. Now, my patience was being tested, and I was sick of something I could not identify.
The minute I stepped out the door in my tennis shoes, I was hit with vibrant hues of green grass, yellow flowers, and a blue sky in the distance. Every thought buzzing around in my head became silenced by this one verse in a song I have come to love, "I look out the window, the birds are composing. Not a note is out of tune or out of place. I walk through the meadows and stare at the flowers that are dressed in any girl on her wedding day. So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need, You know what I need." It was then I heard the words that soothed everything, "kailee, if I created every plant, tree, flower, blade of grass, and know exactly what it needs to grow and live, how much more do you think I care for you? How much more do I know exactly what you need?"
Then the rain came down. I remember how giddy it made me feel. Every worry, fear, anxiety washed away at those whispered words. I passed a lady on the street, and when she asked me how I liked the weather, all I could do was grin. Leave it to God to use a downpour to make me smile. :)
Just before it rains, all the colors in my neighborhood become extremely vibrant. I noticed this one day when I went out running. This was no ordinary run, mind you. I was driving home from school with a ton of other things on my mind. Things that if I had listened to God in the first place, wouldn't have bothered me so much. It was one of those weeks where it seemed like everything I thought I was doing right turned it's back and came crashing down on me. In other words, I mistakenly took something God gave me to do and went way too far with it. Now, my patience was being tested, and I was sick of something I could not identify.
The minute I stepped out the door in my tennis shoes, I was hit with vibrant hues of green grass, yellow flowers, and a blue sky in the distance. Every thought buzzing around in my head became silenced by this one verse in a song I have come to love, "I look out the window, the birds are composing. Not a note is out of tune or out of place. I walk through the meadows and stare at the flowers that are dressed in any girl on her wedding day. So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need, You know what I need." It was then I heard the words that soothed everything, "kailee, if I created every plant, tree, flower, blade of grass, and know exactly what it needs to grow and live, how much more do you think I care for you? How much more do I know exactly what you need?"
Then the rain came down. I remember how giddy it made me feel. Every worry, fear, anxiety washed away at those whispered words. I passed a lady on the street, and when she asked me how I liked the weather, all I could do was grin. Leave it to God to use a downpour to make me smile. :)
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